This one is meant to be more of a discussion. I fear I raise more questions than insights here.
The Search
Alright, so love is clearly not something that I can codify; it’s too human, too subjective. And that’s great! We’re all post-modernists here; we’re comfortable with the undefined. (What a funny word. I feel like the “un-” and “de-” cancel each other out. But then we’d be stuck saying “the fined.” I digress.) What interests me is the psychology of love.
Now, I’m not a psychologist. The only training that I have in psychology are a couple of entry-level college courses and a lifetime of being on both ends of manipulation, so I recognize that my word is not gospel here. (This is, after all, a blag.) The question of the day: is love what we’re really looking for? If it is, why? What are we looking for, really?
It’s often been emoted that gaining love is worth risking everything. I have trouble believing that this is strictly truth. I have been in love before (see Part 1), but I hardly felt like I’d arrived at the Promised Land. Perhaps this is a flaw unique to me, but I doubt it. Clearly, as we know it, love is not “what we’re looking for.” But, to deny the importance of love in our search would be to deny the general consensus of the accumulated human experience. Perhaps, then, it is not the object of our search but a vehicle, a catalyst, a means by which we find what we’re looking for.
Like I said, what interests me today is the relationship between love and happiness. What does love produce?
– Vivacity: love makes the moment seem more significant. It is able to produce both elation and dread, in my experience. Perhaps people choose love for the same reason they choose roller coasters and cliff jumping; it’s the only way we feel the thrill of life-and-death sans the possibility of fatality.
– Commitment: people in love tend to settle down (at least for a short while). This provides a measure of security and stability. Also, after you’ve made one choice, you no longer have to worry about the excluded choices. This brings a mental ease and an emotional security. In other words, instead of being constantly open to the emotional attack of being accepted or rejected while you’re fishing for a significant other, you have already been accepted.
– Being Loved: I think this is the answer. At least it has the ring of truth to it. I believe that you must love in order to experience the full influence of being loved. As I consider things, the two products of love that we’ve discussed aren’t as much the result of loving as they are the result of being loved; but we must first give to receive. Loving itself is scary and dangerous, but being loved is its reward.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the reason that we love is “just because.” Maybe love is, in fact, what we’re looking for.
Peanut Gallery: opinions? Why do you think we have this propensity to find love? Is it psychological, as I’ve assumed? Is it a social golem that we have unconsciously adopted through years of pop music and Hollywood romance? What are the emotional products of love for you?