Dear ex-Social Networks,
I know I’ve been sending you mixed signals, but this has to stop. We had some good times, but it’s over.
It’s not your fault; we’re just too different. I never got comfortable with you, and you clearly lost interest in me over time. You seemed more concerned with plug-ins and celebrities than with how I was feeling. We grew apart. It happens. I’d be alone for a while, and it was good for me. I learned to be happy on my own.
But then, every couple of months, you’d send me an awkward email. You know the one: you’d ask how I was, sneaking in how long it’s been since we last hung out. You’d tell me how great it is at your place and invite me over for a quick game of “Farmville.” Or I’d text you in a moment of weakness for a quick status update, and we’d go on using each other. There’s blame enough to go around, but it needs to stop now.
You see, I’ve found someone. It only happened last night (we both know how I fall fast), but I think she’s the one. We both use the same contact databases, the same chat client, and she even integrates with my search engine! I feel like we’ve known each other forever.
And I don’t want to screw it up. So please, no more messages. No more tag alerts. You introduced me to so many new things (checking in, poking, well-intentioned floods of birthday spam), and for that you’ll always have a special place in my bookmarks.
Goodbye.
Because you deserve more than an email filter,
Kurt
PS – I won’t tell you her name, so don’t ask.
PPS – Please don’t burn all the stuff I left at your place. I’ll swing by when I can to pick it up.
PPPS – LinkedIn – we’re still cool, right?