I started writing Part 4 in paragraph form, and this is how it ended up on the page. I guess sometimes we need to feel that some things we say are more (even if there are no real mechanical differences from run of the mill prose; apparently I still have some growing to do as a writer).
The Conversion
I once was so solipsistic.
The world wasn’t my concern;
When I was left alone, I was happier.
What happened?
Now, nothing takes place
Without the nagging sense:
“I need to tell her.”
Now, nothing’s real
until I’ve shared it with you.
I’m no stranger to romance.
I’ve spent the better part of my life
Getting girls to like me;
How to wake the part of them that needs to be woken,
How to make them feel special.
And they were.
Just not to me.
Not in that way.
It wasn’t that bad, really, going along with the flow,
Dating whatever girl at any given time wanted me enough
To put forth a little effort.
I would move to a place,
Make the people around me smile,
Give them the warmth that comes from being accepted and appreciated,
Waken that part of them,
And then move on.
I became a happy memory,
for them and for myself,
Immortalized in that nostalgic haze of unsustainable cheer.
I even tried to do it with you,
But something about you stuttered my step;
My intricate dance was interrupted.
I tried fading into your memory;
It was for the best. That way
Neither of us would be hurt
When I stopped being
what I needed you
to see me as.
But it was too late;
I had already gotten used to the warmth that you had given me.
You had woken that part of me
That needs to be awake.
Love is a decision you make.
Until you make it
You can see it in others,
Others can feel it for you,
But it can never find you.
Rather, it doesn’t have to;
It has always been there –
the Force between the rock, the tree, the ship.
You just have to recognize it,
To submit.
Love is not a thing to be found,
It is a thing to be accepted.
I don’t know when I decided to love,
But the relief
That you were the one I decided on,
And the wonder
That, somehow,
You accepted me
Colors my perceptions.
In an already rainbow life, you painted hue and tone,
Injected depth and shade.
Peanut Gallery: feel free to share your stories!